I had a “fat” weekend. There’s no sense to it. Everything felt tighter, I felt a failure, I felt completely out of sync with myself.
Now, if I’d been kind to myself, I would have asked me what the underlying reasons were. Because “fat” isn’t a feeling. It never is. When I say I feel fat, I’m often using my body as an excape from other thoughts and feelings I’d rather avoid. When I feel low, anxious, upset, and don’t want to address the underlying cause, it’s easy to blame my body for all those feelings. Because my body is there. It’s physical. I can look at myself and pick on all the little (or big) things I don’t like, and blame them for the things going wrong.
But actually, it’s not my body’s fault. And firing hateful comments at it doesn’t solve, or even soothe the underlying issues. I have several books that talk about body acceptance, changing the language we use with our bodies. Instead of talking about our “fat thighs”, we should celebrate their strong structure, the way they carry and support us. Instead of pouring hate over our “wobbly, flabby bellies” we should look at what our extra weight has done for us, protect us from unwanted attention, maybe? Or simply celebrate the children we have and the babies our tummies have nurtured and developed?
But it was hard to find the underlying causes of my mood over the weekend, at the time atleast. I was very conscious to say nice things to myself when I noticed the negative words coming out, but it was a bit of a “fake it til you make it” exercise.
The bizarre thing, and this is what shows how illogical “fat” days are, is that yesterday morning I woke up in a totally different frame of mind. Nothing had changed in terms of weight over the course of 24 hours, but I felt lighter, and less critical. My jeans weren’t any different, the muffin top was still there, but I didn’t feel angered or upset by it.
What a difference a day makes, 24 little hours!
Today I am going to zumba, get some endorphins flowing, celebrate the way my body can move, and enjoy it. Today I am going to take the feelings for what they are, and not direct them at my body. I’m going to live in the now, and not wait for my body to catch up with my ill perceived idea of perfection!
Have a good day!