There is a quote that is quite often banded around; Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Recently I have been pondering how this actually plays into our lives. How many times do we do the same thing over and over again? How many times do we hope for a different outcome? For me, the major area where this seems to ring true is in dietland. I can no longer count on fingers and toes how many times I have started a diet, full of enthusiasm, that enthusiasm that diminishes each heartbreaking, soulless week that I don’t lose those magic pounds. How many mornings have I woken up, full of remorse, and with a temporarily renewed promise that today I would stick to my points, syns, green day, atkins day, pea soup and raw cauli day? And I suppose you could say it was a form of insanity. Because nothing was any different. Each day my pattern would be the same, angel at breakfast, halo slipping into lunch, and given up by dinner time. The diets may change, but the results never really did. Or atleast not for any particular length of time. Once I was off the diet, the usual anti diet food celebration event arrived.
The thing I’ve discovered with intuitive eating is that each day is as different as I allow it to be, and slowly the changes are happening. I’m not making promises I can’t keep. I’m not berating myself for eating that biscuit, and I don’t need to treat myself with naughty foods that I’ve been deprived of during diet time. Because I know I can have what I want when I actually want it! Everyday there is the opportunity to learn something new about myself and my relationship with myself and with food. I had a mini revelation yesterday. Rob, myself and the boys were picnicking in our camper and I’d bought a couple of packets of biscuits that I fancied trying. The shortbread bites by Four Anjels were on offer in co op and looked lovely so I got those and some of the belgian biscuits that are like waffles. Now i had a bite of the waffle ones and liked them but not enough to eat a whole biscuit so passed on them after the one bite. But the shortbreads were lovely. And I realised I was eating them, one after another, just so the boys didn’t polish them off and I’d miss out. Finally, when there were just two left, I decided to put them away for later, carefully wrapping the two remaining biscuits back up in the packaging and placing them on the side. While clearing away and tidying up, Rob took the packet and said, there’s just two, may as well eat them now! And Bam! I had a mini rant, good humouredly. “That’s it! I’m going to get a bisuit tin of my own, for myself, with biscuits that I want, that I can eat when I want without worrying they’re gone!” Because it suddenly dawned on me that when Rob and the boys get into a packet of biscuits, the childish survival mechanism kicks in, and if I want a biscuit I have to get in there before the vultures do! We popped to shop, and I found some lovely lemon thins, that are mine! Mine, mine, mine! And of course, the packet remains unopened. hehe
I’ve made peace with food, and thought I’d done the whole stocking up thing. But turns out, I was still secretly territorial about the biscuits!
So. Something new in my day. Not dieting is meaning each day is different, and I’m so happy with that.
If you’re bored of the insanity, look up intuitive eating. It’s not a diet. It’s so much more.