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All posts for the month May, 2011

Ferry interesting.

Published May 30, 2011 by Crystal

We are sitting in a queue for a car ferry across the harbour. It’s been a wet, but eventful day. The bus ran out of oil on the way to the castle. We made it to the car park, just! Looked around the castle, met some pirates, and then caught a wee boat to the town to hunt for oil. This involved a walk up a big hill to the only garage we could think of.  But with all the stress of the day I wouldn’t change a thing. It makes me appreciate who I have in my life, and those who matter.  My husband doesn’t endlessly criticise my music tastes, or dress sense, he doesn’t constantly point my failings.  And he trusts me.  He accepts me for person I am.  He truly loves and respects me. 
Part of me wonders whether my expectation of friendship is too high, but then I look at my chap and I think no.  I don’t expect to have friends as close our as comfortable as the friendship I have with my husband, but I do know that I have friends who genuinely do accept me warts and all, and who I feel the same about.  I do have friends who at the end of the night I can say I had an amazing time with, friends who I can call at any time and who will really not mind, and who i’d do the same for.  Make sure you value your friends, but also realise that you too need to be valued.  If you aren’t, if the friendship leaves you drained and feeling you’re giving more than you are getting then reflect on it. Maybe your friend feels the same way, maybe they don’t, but something needs to change.  Friendships are two way. 

Assassination of character.

Published May 29, 2011 by Crystal

Wine is the proverbial double edged sword. It relaxes, tastes lovely, and a little bit is a healthy thing. But drink too much and it can be a very different story. What started out as a lovely social evening ended for me with my soul crushed, my character trashed and my heart in pieces again.  My integrity and loyalty were called into question, and it became clear that someone I regarded as a good friend obviously has a low opinion of me.  Now I know i’m far from perfect. My loyalty has been misplaced in the past, and I’ve made many errors of judgement over the last few years.  But over the last year I felt I was making progress and have made some good friends. I may be in an emotionally difficult place at the moment.  I may take things more personally than I should, but when someone who you’ve shared many conversations and hopes and fears with turns round and tells you they don’t trust you not to gossip about them, well, it questions and attacks one of the many parts of myself I hold precious. 
So today I continue to feel broken, and anxious that this journey of self discovery will only get worse before it gets better. But it will get better.  This dark night of the soul, as a wise person suggested has to end with a dawn and a new day.  And I may end up with a fraction of the friends I have now, but I know that the respect and loyalty will be mutual and unquestionable.

Mark Williams, my guilty crush!

Published May 9, 2011 by Crystal

Son one is poorly today. He has food intolerances that seem to have resurfaced, so it is yet another day off school for him, and lots of tv time. (I threaten him with finding school work for him to do, but to be fair he looks rough!). Currently we’re watching Mark Williams discussing canals. I don’t know what it is about Mark Williams. I love him. I love that Midlands accent, I love his enthusiasm and passion for every project he takes on. I wish he’d been one of my teachers at school. I’ve learnt more in an hour than I ever did in history class, I’m sure!
This may even call for a few hours of Harry Potter today, just so I can see Mr Weasley!
Today will be a better day, having started on the lightness of my bizarre fancy.
So go on, who are your guilty crushes?

Books books books

Published May 3, 2011 by Crystal

Thankfully my new books have arrived. “Circle of Stones: Woman’s journey into herself” by Judith Duerk, and “Women Who Run With The Wolves: Contacting the power of the wild woman.” by Clarissa Pinkola Estés. Something new to read, hopefully something to lift the spirit and take me into a deeper place of understanding. I don’t know how I’ll get on with them in this moment. We’ll see. Would love observations from anyone who’s read these books.

Blesséd Beltane!

Published May 1, 2011 by Crystal

Merry Meet.
Whatever your plans today may you have a wonderful time. We’re off to watch the local druids. Normally we would have a fire, and walk up to Robinswood Hill, look for a wand, pick some hawthorn, and leave gifts for the fae. This year, it’s a quieter affair, but the spirit is there all the same.
Enjoy your day, whatever you have planned. xxx