Assassination of character.

Published May 29, 2011 by Crystal

Wine is the proverbial double edged sword. It relaxes, tastes lovely, and a little bit is a healthy thing. But drink too much and it can be a very different story. What started out as a lovely social evening ended for me with my soul crushed, my character trashed and my heart in pieces again.  My integrity and loyalty were called into question, and it became clear that someone I regarded as a good friend obviously has a low opinion of me.  Now I know i’m far from perfect. My loyalty has been misplaced in the past, and I’ve made many errors of judgement over the last few years.  But over the last year I felt I was making progress and have made some good friends. I may be in an emotionally difficult place at the moment.  I may take things more personally than I should, but when someone who you’ve shared many conversations and hopes and fears with turns round and tells you they don’t trust you not to gossip about them, well, it questions and attacks one of the many parts of myself I hold precious. 
So today I continue to feel broken, and anxious that this journey of self discovery will only get worse before it gets better. But it will get better.  This dark night of the soul, as a wise person suggested has to end with a dawn and a new day.  And I may end up with a fraction of the friends I have now, but I know that the respect and loyalty will be mutual and unquestionable.

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