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All posts for the month July, 2011

Today I will not dwell

Published July 31, 2011 by Crystal

The sun is shining, the house is quiet, just me and my husband, peace reigns.

Today I count my blessings;

one gorgeous husband, 3 beautiful kids, a happy but mental dog, fantastic friends who’ve taken time out to spend chnuks of time with me, family that give and take and accept, love, so so much love.

What need is there to dwell on sadness, misery, disappointment, when I look and see the beauty that is in my life?  In the words of Nina Simone, It’s a new dawn, It’s a new day, It’s a new life for me, and I’m feeling good!

Whatever you get up to this Sunday, take a moment to count the blessings in your life.  Spend a day where dwelling on the negative is unacceptable, where you can smile over the little things, and celebrate the small stuff!  Life is too short, the sun is out, and this may be our last day of Summer.  Let the sun refresh and renew your soul.  Smile, like you mean it, and soon enough you will!

 

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You can rely on the weather!

Published July 29, 2011 by Crystal

The pool went up yesterday, it was a hot sunny day, and the kids need some fresh air this summer! Friends are coming over to play, for mummy and kids, and where oh where is the sun?
OK, so it’s only early, maybe the sun is having a lie in? But isn’t that just typical in UK? We make plans for bbq’s, we organise garden and pool parties, and the sun vanishes!
On the other hand, we are British! We will continue to party regardless; Clouds? Put on a cardigan. Rain? We have umbrellas, gazebos, and raincoats! We will not be put down by the weather, we will enjoy ourselves regardless!
My family and I have managed to enjoy a soggy camping holiday every year for the last three years. But I can honestly say we still come back each time having had fun, and full of happy memories. Last summer was a close call though. Relentless rain in North Devon led to bad moods by day 4, and we considered packing up early. But then the weather changed, and the sun promised to shine for a few days and so we extended our holiday!
We never know what the weather is going to throw at us, but we don’t have to let it stop us enjoying what we can.
British weather, to me, is a bit of a metaphor for the rest of my life. Things will always happen that can dampen our spirits. And sometimes the weather, or situation, is so dire, that you can’t see a hint of a reason to be cheerful. But as with the weather, situations can move as quickly as a storm, and the sun always promises to come through at some point, and it’s that eternal promise that we can cling to and make sure we enjoy life as much as we can while we wait.

Hope your sun is shining. xx

Today I choose

Published July 28, 2011 by Crystal

This blog started out with my experience with Intuitive Eating.  Attempting to find out what makes me tick, why I have disordered eating.  But then things happened, and in revelation after revelation I’ve realised that my eating is always always always going to be disordered until I get to the root of the problem.  And sometimes the roots of our problems are so well hidden, it takes years and years to discover them.  They’ve been covered in layers, by other problems, which we unearth, think we’ve found our answer, but then discover another layer.

I do feel alot more at peace with my body at the moment.  All the money spent of the years has countad for naught.  I’m back to the size I was last summer, I’m eating for comfort, out of boredom, and occasionally in frustration. BUT, I feel more confident in the person I am.  I am more content to spend time with and by myself, not too much, mind!  I can currently look in the mirror and realise that my body shouldn’t hold me back.  I will find people who value me regardless, and I can have the confidence to do what I want.  I don’t need to listen to judegements and hollow concerns “But I’m worried for your health!”.  Let’s face it, skinny people aren’t necessarily any healthier.  It’s not about size.   It is about so much more.  Body, mind and soul.  Healthy mind, healthy soul, healthy body.  I’m getting there.  My soul is healing, my mind is clearing, and my body will follow suit in the time I need.  There is no need to set a time scale.  I have the rest of my life to work it out.

 

Blimey, my blog is a see saw!  Actually, it’s not even a see saw, it’s a really disorganised map of my year!

Saul

Published July 25, 2011 by Crystal

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Was having a look through my photo album and found these. I love Saul. Such a peaceful place. What is it about water and boats? The dream of a house boat resurfaces!

A life worth living

Published July 24, 2011 by Crystal

Yesterday, 23rd July 2011, saw life lost in a horrendous and cruel attack by an extremist.  He set off a bomb in Oslo, and then went to an island where a kids camp was taking place, and went on a killing rampage for one and a half hours.  The death toll as I type is nearing 100.

Yesterday a train in China was strike by lightning, and it stopped working properly.  It was then hit by another train, and 30 were killed, and 100 were injured.

Yesterday a man in a roller rink opened fire and killed six and injured a further eight people attending a birthday party.

Yesterday a 27 year old woman, who had struggled with drugs and alcohol, was found dead in her North London home.

Now to me, this is all tragic.  All life lost is a loss, someone’s family, someone’s friends, someone with prospects and hope.  To me, the trully horrendous acts by gunmen with who knows what motives, killing innocent youths, is an act I hope never to encounter personally, and my heart goes out to each and every person who has lost loved ones in these atrocious acts.  The lightning, this powerful phenomenon, took lives unexpectedly as people took what they expected to be usual, uneventful journeys.  These people were cut down in their prime, more innocents, who never saw it coming.

Amy Winehouse was addicted to drugs and alcohol.  She put her body through who knows what strain, taking substances to numb pain, escape uncomfortable feelings.  Many will argue, her demise was her own doing.  She was responsible for her death, and what tragedy is it compared to the loss of the innocent youths in Norway?

But what drives an addict?  What leads a person to destroy her own life in this way?  You see, I can’t even pretend to have the answers, but for me it is very clear, that if her life were great, she’d never have been on drugs and alcohol.

 

For me, it is all very tragic.  It’s not a contest.  It’s lives, valuable, wonderful lives, that have been lost.

Erasing the preconceived

Published July 15, 2011 by Crystal

The summer holidays is close. And this year it will be a challenge. I cannot put weight on my ankle for two more weeks, and then only partial weight for another 2 weeks before my next doctors appointment. The good thing is I no longer have any dressing, and can enjoy a totally naked leg, and baths, and all manner of wee luxuries we take for granted like putting trousers on easily!

With a very new summer experience, and a new me emmerging like a magical creature in a chrysalis, I have decided to consciously leave the past in the past and look at things with a new perspective where I can in my life in this town. No longer will the gossip, and groupings, and West Side Story style tribal fighting affect how I interact with people. This is a new slate for me. An opportunity to view situations and people with a fresh perspective.
I will no doubt mull over previous events, but I will consciously stop myself when I realise what I am up to.
People are going to see a new side to me, and hopefully, I will see a new side to others. The dynamics are changing for the better.
This may sound some idealogical bunkam, but I am determined not to let my past dictate my future for the worse. I have so so many blessings in my life, time to share the love!