I’m three days in to my experiment where I’m eating nutrient dense meals and am addressing but not giving in to the cravings I’m having.
This isn’t some self punishment. I’m genuinely wanting to pay more attention to my cravings and observe when they’re happening.
Today I am noticing I would like some stodge. I was making husband and kids spaghetti bolognaise. It smelled lovely, and the thought of a big bowl of pasta crossed my mind. As I type, the idea of a couple of hunks of bread and butter are appealing and so I’m mulling over what is going on. I’m not hungry. I’ve eaten several times throughout today, and am fully satisfied. But I’m tired. Tired and crotchety. Tired, crotchety and feeling unappreciated. And I won’t go into the details of the whys and wherefores, it’s not your problem, and I know in my current negative state I’m blowing things out of proportion and reading far too much into absolutely everything. “She looked at me funny, she must hate me, what have I done now?”.
So, back to the cravings. I have cravings for stodge. Stuff that will fill me up, and give instant oral gratification, but stuff that will also make me feel really rough about half an hour later. So why do I want it? Am I wanting to ultimately punish myself for failings? I am in a bit of a depressive low at the minute, and the slightest wrong thought is sending my plummeting down. Maybe by eating these things I now know cause my body pain I am actually thinking somewhere deep down that I will suffer as I deserve. Too deep? Maybe. But when a couple of slices of bread really don’t take long to eat, but the bloated, painful feeling lasts for hours, there has to be more to it than “I want a piece of bread and butter!”.
I always remember the Muller yogurt adverts, that went on abo ut the “Pleasure Pain” balance. To me, eating seems to be a lot of that these days.
So what have I been eating? Mostly rice and beans the last few days, and someone joked I must be watching too much “I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here!”! It’s simple fair, but it’s providing the energy and nutrients I need, and it’s uncomplicated food while I go through this experiment. I will change it here and there, so I get everything I need from my diet.
So what have I learnt so far? That the cravings come and they go, and actually I won’t drop dead if I don’t give in to them, but also that my body is appreciating my not giving into them. And I’m not feeling deprived. I’m addressing those cravings, just not feeding them! And I’ve also learnt that when you’re tired, no amount of food is going to help, but rest and sleep will. So I’m off!