The Off Days.

Published November 25, 2011 by Crystal

My experiment has sort of failed today, but then in a way it hasn’t. I just became aware of different things.
What did I learn? That I don’t deal with change of routine too easily, and have a chink in my brain that says “You must sleep between the mistake and the fresh start!”. We ended up at a Carvery for lunch, following a 6k cycle ride, which absolutely 100% exhausted me. My legs were jelly, every so often I thought I was going to be sick, and I pushed and pushed myself. I went through a weird cycle of berating myself, then chiding myself for berating myself, then remembering to be mindful and live in the moment, back to berating myself. It was exhausting, not only physically but mentally and emotionally.

How could I have let myself get to this point where I have an extra six stone to carry around? How could I have let it all get so out of control?

But then there is no point dwelling, and worrying about the past. The past is gone and all we can do is live now, and think about where we might be going. OK, so I am 6 stone overweight (a guess, I don’t weigh), but I’m doing something about it now. And maybe I’ll have the odd off day when I don’t tune in and maintain awareness. Maybe I’ll choose junk food that hurts over unprocessed food that nourishes, but a day, even out of a week, is only 24 hours out of 168. It’s pretty small when you look at it like that. And really, if you count the hours you actually eat, then it’s what, 3 hours, absolute tops! So, 3 hours out of 168. Now I look at it that way, it’s not really a big deal.
And tomorrow is always always a new day. The proverbial blank canvas with its whole host of opportunities and times to think. So today, I may not have carried out my experiment to the full extent that I’d planned to.
But I have had a fulfilling day.
And, if I need to justify to myself, I’ll just say we brits miss out on Thanksgiving, so I’ll see it as my Thanksgiving, and give thanks for the gorgeous weather we rode through, for the beautiful squirrel that I almost ran over when it ran right in front of my free wheeling wheel zooming downhill, for the lovely meal with husband and son, and for the good news phone call we had today.
Lots to be thankful for, and so little to be mad at myself for. How about you?

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2 comments on “The Off Days.

  • Huggles, more huggles, and good on ya for that attitude – tomorrow is another day. You’re like me, you want to be perfect and then give yourself hell for not living up to your own (totally unreasonable!) expectations. So you’ve got weight to lose? Hey, but you did a 6K bike ride today. You wrote a great blog. You gave fb hugs to your friends that needed them who don’t give a shit whether you need to lose weight. You looked after your brilliant family. You did well today hun, give yourself a pat on the back and relax. Love ya xxxx

    • Oh wow, thank you!
      I do set unreasonable goals, and then get angry with myself for failing the task. That’s why I’ve tried not to be down on myself today.
      And I was giggling at the thought of taking a year to lose weight, just in time to run fast when Armageddon hits 21/12/2012 😉
      I really need to learn to work with myself and for myself, and less against myself! xxx

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