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All posts for the month February, 2012

Slower than a snail, my weight loss journey that is my own.

Published February 18, 2012 by Crystal

My weight loss is slow. Slower than a snail’s pace. And I’m ok with this. Recently, though, I’ve been mulling over why my weight loss is the way that it is. 2 steps forward, 3 back, 7 forward, 4 back! I’ve found three reasons that seem to be constants in my weight loss journey. Now before I write them down I want to make it clear that no two people will share identical journeys. There may be major similarities, but no two people are alike, and I’d urge you to look into your journey, and maybe ask yourself why you do the things you do. Theinternet is full of so many inspirational stories, but sometimes we can end up looking at them feeling like failures because we aren’t racing forward in our weight loss, or at least I occasionally do. But having mulled over my journey, and giving voice to the reasons behind my journey, I feel confident and relaxed in myself. Here are the 3 main points I have found to be constants in my way to health and a slimmer me;
1) I have had experiences of radical weight loss in the past. I lost a lot of weight in a short length of time, and to be completely honest, my new shape came as a complete shock! Yes, I was a “new me”, but it was less “me” and more someone else. I was getting attention that I’d never received before. I felt pressures like I had never felt before. Being slim was a double edged sword that I had never experienced before, and the cons came as a shock. I hadn’t come to a new shape slowly, and I hadn’t allowed myself to adapt to my newly changing shape slowly and steadily. As a reaction I started to regain all the weight that I had lost. This time around I want the journey to be one where I can become used to myself at a new shape, before I move on to the next chapter. This might well triple the time it takes to lose weight, but I believe that the extra time it takes will give me and my body time to adapt.
2) I’ve had my fair share of disordered eating. I’ve experienced the anxiety of throwing up after a guilt filled meal. And the path to healing has been slow, and now, while I am healing it is a battle to not switch back to that mindset of “you shouldn’t have eaten that, you’re a pig”. But every day I congratulate myself for being kind and loving to myself. If I overeat, or eat something not within my points, I accept that there is some reason behind it, and allow myself to live with it, rather than telling myself how hateful I am. It is my belief that there is no reason we should ever put ourselves down for our food choices. This kind of leads me on to point 3.
3) There are certain foods that will send me off piste for days or weeks. High fat, high sugar, overly processed foods, so full of additives and gunk, that my brain craves these foods, even though my body repels from them. One meal might turn into a week or a fortnight, and pro pointing just doesn’t happen. It’s a downward spiral. I feel depressed after eating these foods, but then reach for more of the same to lift my mood, which will give a temporary boost, until the low that follows. This spiral can be a hard one to lift myself out of sometimes. Thankfully, having changed the way I eat over the last couple of years I am very aware of how food does affect my body, and I know and appreciate the benefits of cleaner eating, but occasionally the processed food wins the battle, and the spiral starts!

So the journey is slow, but the journey is mine. I applaud those people who race along the path, with their stones falling away behind them. But that journey is not for me. There may be those who will read this and scoff “She just can’t be bothered, she’s lazy, she’s making excuse”, and to those I would say “We are all in this together. We all have weight we want to lose. What makes you so hard hearted that you forget where you came from? That suddenly you have all the answers for every person on this journey?” This journey is mine. I cannot live someone else’s life, or recommend the best way forward for them. I can only do what I feel led to do, and hope that I learn along the way.

Old habits dying hard, but it’s a learning curve

Published February 12, 2012 by Crystal

What a difference a week makes.  My children dropped like flies, one after another. They recovered equally quickly, and it’s back to normal this weekend.  But a week of disturbed sleep, feeling below par, and not getting to my zumba classes, left me grumpy and eating and drinking out of boredom and stress.

Goes to show me how beneficial exercise is.  It doesn’t have to be much, but just a little movement makes all the difference to my state of mind.  And not doing anything can send me into a downward spiral of self pity, low self esteem, and all round grumpiness!
I over drank, I over ate, and I have ended up feeling miserable because of it, not to mention physically uncomfortable.  But today I have most definitely drawn a line under it.  There’s always an excuse to eat or drink if we look for it.  And if I had a brain I would stop myself in that self pitying moment.  If I was being kind to myself I would ask myself  “Is that food going to help me feel happier?  Is that wine going to bring my mood up?” And of course, once I’ve drunk a glass of wine, I’m really not up for reasoning with myself.  But as time goes on, and I drink less, and eat a better quality of food, I notice these down times more acutely.  It’s as if there was a point that I felt physically and mentally rubbish 24/7, because of what I ate, drank and did.  But now, I have made so many changes, that when I slip back in to old habits, one, other, or all, I feel it all far too smartly.  I feel anxious, lethargic, bloated, moody *insert various feelings here*.  I feel defeated, unworthy, “what’s the point?”.  I feel I’ve let myself down.  It’s all part of the spiral of self despair!
Now I’m back to logic.  I haven’t let myself down, I just temporarily fell back onto habits that have supported me throughout my life.  Even though it is now obvious to me that these coping mechanisms don’t benefit me, it is inevitable that occasionally, as I change my lifestyle, when something challenges me, be it tiredness or stress or illness, I will fall back to the habits that have supported me for so long.  And that is no bad thing, because as I said, I realise now that those habits don’t serve the purpose that they did, and it is worth being reminded of this!
So today, I can look back as the last week as yet another learning curve.  I can reflect on how certain foods and drink have left me feeling, and how lack of activity leaves me feeling flat.
Don’t ever let yourself feel less that you are.  You are more special and worthy and precious than you give yourself credit for.

In a funk

Published February 6, 2012 by Crystal

This weather is not nice. It’s cold, it’s wet, it’s downright miserable.
I just can’t seem to get out of it today. I’ve written up a list of tasks. Now I just need to muster up the house love and get on with them. But I just have a feeling of “what’s the point?”.
Juicing has been going fairly well, only I made an abomination of a juice on Friday that made me sick, and the juices since have been tinged with a horrid taste, so I’ve stuck the juice parts in the dishwasher for a good old clean in the hope they remove the funky taste. Am definitely moving towards a far more plant based diet. It doesn’t make me sluggish and tired, though if I deviate I notice the effects far more smartly than when I was always eating processed refined stuff.
Anyway, I better actually get going.
Onwards and upwards, literally, the boys’ bedrooms need tidying and sorting.
Hope your coping through this grim weather. It will be spring before we know it. Look how quickly January passed!