My weight loss is slow. Slower than a snail’s pace. And I’m ok with this. Recently, though, I’ve been mulling over why my weight loss is the way that it is. 2 steps forward, 3 back, 7 forward, 4 back! I’ve found three reasons that seem to be constants in my weight loss journey. Now before I write them down I want to make it clear that no two people will share identical journeys. There may be major similarities, but no two people are alike, and I’d urge you to look into your journey, and maybe ask yourself why you do the things you do. Theinternet is full of so many inspirational stories, but sometimes we can end up looking at them feeling like failures because we aren’t racing forward in our weight loss, or at least I occasionally do. But having mulled over my journey, and giving voice to the reasons behind my journey, I feel confident and relaxed in myself. Here are the 3 main points I have found to be constants in my way to health and a slimmer me;
1) I have had experiences of radical weight loss in the past. I lost a lot of weight in a short length of time, and to be completely honest, my new shape came as a complete shock! Yes, I was a “new me”, but it was less “me” and more someone else. I was getting attention that I’d never received before. I felt pressures like I had never felt before. Being slim was a double edged sword that I had never experienced before, and the cons came as a shock. I hadn’t come to a new shape slowly, and I hadn’t allowed myself to adapt to my newly changing shape slowly and steadily. As a reaction I started to regain all the weight that I had lost. This time around I want the journey to be one where I can become used to myself at a new shape, before I move on to the next chapter. This might well triple the time it takes to lose weight, but I believe that the extra time it takes will give me and my body time to adapt.
2) I’ve had my fair share of disordered eating. I’ve experienced the anxiety of throwing up after a guilt filled meal. And the path to healing has been slow, and now, while I am healing it is a battle to not switch back to that mindset of “you shouldn’t have eaten that, you’re a pig”. But every day I congratulate myself for being kind and loving to myself. If I overeat, or eat something not within my points, I accept that there is some reason behind it, and allow myself to live with it, rather than telling myself how hateful I am. It is my belief that there is no reason we should ever put ourselves down for our food choices. This kind of leads me on to point 3.
3) There are certain foods that will send me off piste for days or weeks. High fat, high sugar, overly processed foods, so full of additives and gunk, that my brain craves these foods, even though my body repels from them. One meal might turn into a week or a fortnight, and pro pointing just doesn’t happen. It’s a downward spiral. I feel depressed after eating these foods, but then reach for more of the same to lift my mood, which will give a temporary boost, until the low that follows. This spiral can be a hard one to lift myself out of sometimes. Thankfully, having changed the way I eat over the last couple of years I am very aware of how food does affect my body, and I know and appreciate the benefits of cleaner eating, but occasionally the processed food wins the battle, and the spiral starts!
So the journey is slow, but the journey is mine. I applaud those people who race along the path, with their stones falling away behind them. But that journey is not for me. There may be those who will read this and scoff “She just can’t be bothered, she’s lazy, she’s making excuse”, and to those I would say “We are all in this together. We all have weight we want to lose. What makes you so hard hearted that you forget where you came from? That suddenly you have all the answers for every person on this journey?” This journey is mine. I cannot live someone else’s life, or recommend the best way forward for them. I can only do what I feel led to do, and hope that I learn along the way.