“Chaff and grain together”

Published April 28, 2012 by Crystal

I’ve found a quote I feel is so utterly pure, I wanted to share it with you.

“Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away.”

It is written by George Eliot.

To me, this demonstrates honest to goodness friendship. Knowing that sometimes you may say the wrong thing, or you may be hurt by a friends words, you still feel safe with that friend.
Earlier this week I had a rant, I posted a blog here ranting also.
One friend simply ignored my rant. They haven’t even commented. They obviously decided it best to just leave it be and let dust settle. And this is a friend I’ve known for a vast number of years, most of my life.

They may have had good intentions, I may have overreacted. But the most important thing is that neither of us are going to throw away a friendship over it. Because we know it’s deeper than that.

Another person took great offence that I should have been offended by their opinion, and has gone so far as to block all forms of communication.
While I find this sad, as I found the person funny and charming and a sensible chilled out person, I also have to reflect on the fact that obviously we are not friends in her mind, and maybe, quite possibly I have said things that have offended in the past, and they never mentioned it, so my outburst was more than they could tolerate.
But the fact remains that with good friends, they will accept you warts and all. The may chide or criticise, or give unsolicited advice, and you may hate it, and vice versa. But good friends will remain friends throughout. Sometimes a fight might cause months of non communication. But through it all we will recapture the friendships that are meant to be.

The modern social media has opened us up to the opportunity of getting to know far more people than our previous generation had the opportunity to get to know. And there are many many advantages to the internet and the millions of forums and social networks. But what we need to remember is that however many hundreds of friend we have on facebook, only a handful would turn up at our funeral!
It’s easy to take things personally from strangers, even easier from people we’ve known superficially through the years, but it’s worth remembering, at least for me, that the true friends are the ones I can call on at a moments notice, and know they’ll turn the kettle on and make me a sandwich at 3am if need be.
True friends are the ones who accept our outbursts and hurts, and who can say “shit, sorry, I opened my mouth, words came out, I’m sorry I upset you”, and who you can say the same thing to.

So I repeat the quote;
“Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away.”

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2 comments on ““Chaff and grain together”

  • Can I borrow that quote for my own facebook page? It encapsulates what friendship should be about so well. The freedom to say whatever comes into your mind, but also to be like that with someone else, not to take everything that they say, which may not have been inwardly censored when you heard it, personally, but keeping those things that are worth keeping, and blowing away the rest with kindness rather then dwelling on it and allowing it to fester. Or to spread the infection of unguarded words.

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