Now let me start by saying these are entirely my thoughts and beliefs. They may change, they might evolve, but for me, it’s a bit of an epiphany, and so I thought I’d blog it.
For a long time now I’ve been battling with the idea that until you’re healed and whole you cannot possibly help heal others. Somewhat judgementally I’d look at others and think, they’re pretty screwed up, how can they expect to do good? I don’t know when this thinking came, or even where it came from, and it was mostly me I was thinking about. I was thinking, as a healer, if I’m not feeling good in and about myself, how can I be beneficial to others when I’m providing reiki or crystal therapy? What if all my insecurities and issues were to somehow pass over to the client?! (There is not much logic to a lot of my thoughts around this subject). Or what if my healing sessions somehow diminished me and made me worse? I can’t heal if I’ve got big old cracks of my own, surely!
So for a time, I’ve waited until I’m “right” or “ready” or as perfect as I’m going to get, and of course all it’s resulted in is lots of waiting. Because,
and wait for it,
you’ll be shocked and stupified,
That’s it, the revelation. Absolutely bloody obvious isn’t it? We’re humans. We can spend our whole lives reaching for perfection, and something will always always happen to knock us down, and show us our humanity once again. I’ve spent so long putting off helping others because I didn’t feel worthy or ready. “How can I heal when I’m such I pile of poop myself?” When actually, quite possibly, I’m in the ideal place to provide healing.
I am in a place of understanding that it’s not all ok, that life throws curve balls all the time, and that we’re all a work in progress. I can meet a client, and empathise with the plain old crappy time they’ve gone through.
Because I’m broken. I’ve not got all the answers, I certainly don’t have the perfect lifestyle, and the world at my finger tips. But I have the heart and desire to help people, to bring healing however the universe wants to bring it. Being broken doesn’t mean we’re good for nothing. It doesn’t mean we can’t do anything. Healing doesn’t fix all the cracks; they’re a part of us, they are part of our history. Healing can happen on many levels, mentally, emotionally, physically, but it won’t miraculously change our character and make us super heroes.
I do think that realising we’re broken is a key to bringing peace to our souls. Lowering the pressure and expectations we place on ourselves, and dropping the judgement we place on others can open us up to a new appreciation and perspective. Taking people off their pedalstals and seeing them as broken equals, not keeping them on those plinths just so we can watch them fall in spectacular fashion and then mocking them for failing to live up to our expectations.
So now I’m back offering healing, knowing that I’m beautifully broken.