I am not dieting this year. I’ve spent years dieting. And I’m big. And heavy. Dieting has not helped me to lose and then maintain a weight loss. While I appreciate and accept that there are people who succeed, there are many others, like me, for whom dieting ends in a gain. And misery. And self loathing.
And I need to remind myself of this today. Because yesterday the dieting messages were coming thick and fast, and I ended up dreaming about dieting.
“X has lost 30lbs on the 5:2 diet”.
I’m pleased for them. I’m glad it’s worked for them. I understand and believe that fasting has many benefits, both physically and psychologically. But for me, if I were to start this plan, I would be doing it purely for weight loss and I don’t want to be back in that place. It’s taken a long time to believe I am more than a number on the scale. Why would I want to go back to a regime that is based on weight loss? The sad thing is, the experiment that Michael Mosley took part in, and that caught the headlines was actually fasting for longevity, to improve overall health, to see how the body reacts and improves with fasting. It wasn’t based purely on weight loss. Alas, being societies most important concern, thousands of Brits have jumped onto the bandwagon. It’s the next Atkins, or South Beach, or whatever. And it will be working for people, and for them I’m glad. But it’s not for me.
I have a good idea of what would happen if I was to fast for two days of a week. Food would reach a whole new level. I’d be dreaming of the food I could eat the day after fast. I’d be snorting plates of deliciousness on the days I did fast. I’d be miserable. I would think of nothing but food. I like food. Why would I want to avoid it for two days a week?
I can not diet. Not this year. It’s only February, thought I’d made it safely through January, but whoa, there it is! The diet armies, out in force, pointing out my big old body, and the pounds I need to lose.
I’m not giving in. I’m more than my size.