When I completed the Moonwalk I was exhausted, but in 24 hours I was so keen to move on to my next challenge, and got it quickly in my head that I wanted to train to run the London Marathon. I’ve applied in the public ballot, but won’t find out until October. In the meantime, I wanted to do something desperately. Something else to keep me motivated and moving. Walking done, running seemed the logical step, and I signed up to the Cheltenham Half Marathon, thinking even if I can only run a few miles of it, it will be something to aim for.
2 months on, my plans have changed, and it is with some disappointment, but also with a whole lot of relief after deciding that for now I will continue walking, focus on improving my personal best speeds, and aim to complete the half marathon in less than 3 and a half hours. I have a lump on my achilles tendon, and feel pain and stiffness on a fairly regular basis at the moment, and I have decided that rather than give up all together, or go to the other extreme of pushing myself and doing damage (I am after all an all or nothing person, I frustrate myself) I would rather allow myself to enjoy walking, enjoy going as fast as I can for as long as I can and build that up.
But in my head at the moment there is some sort of shame going on. It’s as if walking is not as relevant or important as being able to run. I almost feel like I am giving in through deciding to stick with walking for now. As if I am letting myself down. Today, though, I have walked about 5 miles (done my 10000 steps). The last couple of miles was completed in half an hour as I raced to school to pick the kids up! Already I am feeling it in my left ankle. There is already pain and stiffness, and I so in my heart and head I do know that running would be a bad idea when walking already has an impact.
The problem is, it’s easy to get caught up in the “fitspiration” messages that are flooding the internet these days. “Push yourself to the limit” “No pain, no gain” “Run fast, run lean”. It’s easy to think you need to go that extra mile because that’s the message you keep hearing. My thing is, I get scared, scared I’m going to fail, so I may as well give up before that happens. By deciding to only walk, I almost feel like I am giving up on my dream of running a long distance, even though at the moment I know it is the sensible option, and will still keep me moving like I want to!
Gah. I have no words of wisdom today. I have to shut my gremlins up, and celebrate the things I can do, here and now, with my body as it currently is!