On a long drive down to our camping destination I noticed, in the wing mirror the curves and shapes of my arm. I realised I like the softness and the shape of that arm. It was a strange sensation. Actually liking some part of my body! Instantly though, panic set in. If I like my body as it is now, how will there ever be any incentive to change?
But then I’ve spent years and years hating my body and where had that helped in losing weight and keeping it off? Hating and self loathing has led, again and again, to the cycle of losing, bingeing, regaining, and then some! I never saw diets as anything more than a way to lose weight and become acceptable.
So the question remains, if there’s a part of my body I actually like now, as it is, at this weight, how will I be motivated to lose weight?
But actually I feel free. There may be no motivation to lose weight whatsoever! I may never think about losing weight ever again. Would that be such a bad thing? To actually be happy in my skin and not be endlessly counting calories and envying the slim women who can wear what they like? Would it be such a bad thing to instead focus on ways that I can feel great inside and out? Mind, body and soul?
As the focus moves evermore from how I look to how I feel I become evermore aware of the things that make me feel good. Walking, for the sheer pleasure of discovering new places and getting a bit out of breath in the process. Walking up flights of stairs to reach the top of a water slide that will then leave me screaming and twisting and turning as I descend. Choosing a humous and salad sandwich for breakfast rather than scrambled eggs with the rest of the family. And all the while not worrying about what other people think, but just wanting to enjoy myself and treat my body well.
So I like my arm. With its curves and softness. And it’s not the end of the world!