“How much am I projecting my weight loss fears and failure on to you?”

Published December 12, 2013 by Crystal

I love the idea of never “dieting” ever again.  Really, I do. The idea of being a wholly intuitive eater.  Knowing instinctively when to eat, how much to eat, when to stop.  It is something I do honestly wish for.  It is also something I have spent several years trying to get to.  Many wonderful things have happened in that time, and my responses to food are vastly different from what they were five years ago.  I eat a delicious and varied diet, and have learnt that certain foods affect me in less than favourable ways, and other foods leave me feeling full of vitality and happiness!

But I still have issues with portion control and listening to those hunger signals and decided, that for me, following some sort of plan might help with my area of weakness.  10 weeks on I’m 15pounds lighter, and I feel good.  I feel content.  I feel that “it” works, this combination of groundwork made during years of studying Intuitive Eating books, and current use of a diet plan.  But I also feel, with a foot in both camps, I’m noticing more, the comments and assumptions placed around dieting and non dieting, and I wonder how much we project our own concerns and feelings of failure onto others as we look at their choices.

It has led me to realising how much I have placed judgments and my own experiences on to another persons decisions.  The friends who’ve started diets, be they milkshake, soup, or some other food plan.  I’ve looked at them with my own failings.  “Oh but you won’t last!  The weight will go back on!”  and yes, there are trials and studies that have proved as much in an awful lot of cases.  But mostly, in talking about those studies, I’ve been supporting my own experience.  I haven’t succeeded on a diet in the way I wanted to, and I don’t want the other person to feel the misery I have felt, or maybe somewhere deep down I haven’t wanted to witness their successes where I failed?  How much of my concern was concern for myself and how would feel during their journey?  How much of it was genuine concern for a friend and their experiences?

I wonder if there is a way we can learn to support each other on our journeys more, with less judgment and more kindness?  Both to ourselves, and to the friends who make the choices?  I wonder if there is a way we can become more aware of our projections and feelings as we contemplate a friends’s choices?  I wonder if there is a way we can protect ourselves and our choices without imposing onto another’s choices?

New Year is coming, soon there will be a plethora of diet talk and anxiety, but I hope, with a new awareness, I can realise my own judgments and experiences, and set them aside. xxx



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