It has dawned that my depression is back and I’m in a place of wondering which triggered the other? Did the disordered eating bring me down, or did depression lead to the binges? It’s kind of a pointless question I think. The two partner up and that’s the way it is. Knowing which came first won’t affect the way I deal with this and try to climb out. What I need to do is keep repeating the positive messages, stamp out the negative messages, and just be kind to myself. And I know I’m not alone. I know there are so many suffering in silence, too scared to tell people they feel out of control, worthless, unloveable, ugly, despised. And maybe for those people, to see that someone else shares those feelings, maybe it will be a step up out of the pit. I myself am going to take this day by day, minute by minute. The logical part knows good food and exercise will help, the depressed side knows it will overthink that if i let it. So loving kindness for me, and my old mantra of fake it til I make it. This too shall pass.