I got on the scales today.

Published June 8, 2014 by Crystal

I know weight is coming off.  That isn’t a surprise.  I wanted to know what I was weighing today, how much has gone in the last few weeks.

The result showed me beneath what had become a massive obstacle over a few months.  I’m now 33lbs lighter than I was at the beginning of October.  Something to celebrate, yes?

It’s odd.  I got on, looked at the number, got off again, and felt, well, numb, really.  The obstacle that had obsessed me for so long has been passed.  With no bells, no whistles.  I’m disliking my obsession around food right now.  I’m trying to be intuitive, but panic over the small amounts I currently eat.  If I eat a larger meal worry creeps in, as if I’m suddenly going to gain half a stone over night.  The constant resistance to wanting to purge is tiring.  But I am winning that battle right now.

There seems to be nowhere to go with it at the moment.  I just have to keep reminding myself to be kind to me and go meal by meal, day by day.

On a very positive note, our shed is complete.  Absolutely done.  Airforce blue and waiting to be filled with the crud from the former shed that currently fills the garden.  And it felt good to be so active for three days solid.  To physically exhaust myself and not have meals, and the many other anxieties taking up my every waking thought.

One step forward is still a step forward.

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