How guilty do you feel around food?

Published July 12, 2014 by Crystal

A conversation yesterday left me pondering on the issue of food. The conversation involved the “fat people need to eat less and move more” type opinion, which is a widely held opinion, and not entirely shocking, but it did lead me down the path of thinking about “normal eaters” and disordered eaters like me.
You see, when I feel guilty around food it’s an all consuming type guilt. Self loathing, disgust, anger at my lack of control. It’s an irrational, over-emotion. It grossly outweighs the deed of eating something I think I shouldn’t. It is not a “Ooh I shouldn’t eat that but ooh I will, what a naughty girl I am, nevermind, it was,tasty” type fleeting feeling. It’s more a “Ooh I really shouldn’t, I’m fat and I need to lose weight. Eating it is wrong and it won’t help, but I feel so out of control. And I want it. But I shouldn’t. I mustn’t. I have. Why did I do that? I’m a horrible person. I’ll never be thin. I don’t deserve to be happy.”. It looks extreme written in black and white. But these are very similar to the thoughts that have and do run through my brain from time to time. Food isn’t the joyful thing that it can be. That bar of chocolate that can be a treat to many becomes a tool of war to the disordered eater, stripping them of joy and self worth. It’s only a chocolate bar. But it isn’t. It is so, so much more.
A little guilt isn’t a bad thing. It helps us make choices. A lot of guilt, however, can rob a person of every potentially positive experience. And when it is around something that doesn’t even need to have guilt attached, it is crippling. So “fat people should eat less and move more” is a bit of a triggering comment to me. One placed with assumptions that food is a simple thing that can simply be reduced. If only!


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