Yesterday’s blog entry continued to spark my thoughts and feelings throughout the evening, into the night, and even this morning when I woke up. Something shifted in my thinking, and in what I wanted my approach to this whole weight loss and food situation. I ran again today. Because I have a marathon to train for, and I am more than aware that I have a long way to travel before I can even run a mile, let alone 26 of the little blighters. But my knees felt it today. There was pain. And I know that pain such as that is not good. I rested, added ice and ibuprofen, and thought about how I can continue to train and get fit without running every day.
I used to love Body Pump. If you’ve not heard of it, it involves using weights during a class. I loved it. It stretched me. It exhausted me. And I would leave the class feeling both shattered and exhilarated in equal measure! Unfortunately I had to give up my gym membership, and in doing so, I had to give up the body pump classes.
As I sat there with ice resting on my knees, I thought about the benefits of club membership. A swimming pool for non weight bearing exercise that will still work muscles. A comprehensive class timetable with a mixture of styles to suit. Treadmills inside to avoid heavy rain and dark nights (though I do love running outside). The main problem is the cost, especially when I already pay Weight Watchers £21.45 a month.
But after yesterday, and my awareness around food, and my desire to be mindful more, the necessity of a Weight Watchers membership seems rather hollow and empty. What is more important to me at this moment in time? Well, for now it is most definitely improving my fitness. Being able to run for more than 3 minutes. Strengthening all the necessary muscles that will help me achieve longer runs. I have friends I can talk to about food, and about my issues around food. I have sympathetic ears who understand the problems of disordered eating, binge eating, comfort eating. I have friends who, like me, have spent years coming to grips with intuitive eating, and feel progress to various degrees. I think, at the moment, that support network is covered with people who actually “get” me, and know that a flippant comment about scoffing cake will have me analysing not only myself, but those around me!
It’s not all about food when it comes to weight loss, is it? Food is the easiest thing to look at, sure, but moving my body, and building muscles, and changing what I am capable of, is all of equal importance to me. I don’t want to be slim and unhealthy. I’ve been there and done that. I want to be healthy because of the choices of both what I consume and what I do.
And I want to keep on top of this depression as much as I can. And getting fitter is helping that. It might not always. But it is for now.
So I’ve cancelled my Weight Watchers membership, and that frees me up £20 a month to put to a better use at this moment in time, and the search is on for a useful, affordable gym, and the hope of more Body Pump and swimming!