Thought I better up the activity today, and so took a scenic stroll to the doctors. Not having a phone meant not having a clue about time, so I figured better to be early than late. Over 8000 steps covered by the time I got home this morning, so a good bit of exercise. I would have gone to do a bit of shopping in town, but my brain is fuzzy today, and to be honest I can’t remember what I was going to look for.
So the appointment I had been waiting for. With the triage mental health nurse. 45 minutes of going through current and past experiences, problems, emotions. It was a good meeting, I think. The mood disorder questionnaire was mostly positive, in that I mostly said yes, which really is negative, as it means I do have a mood disorder. But positive in that now we are getting somewhere, and I’m finally dealing with something that has been affecting me for a long time now. One question she did ask is on a scale of 1 to 10 how low do i go. I’m about a 3 today, and couldn’t think below that. But then after I left and walked home I thought about the times I have been lower. It’s odd how you can’t explain how low you are capable of feeling when you are not in that moment. So I think I downplayed my depression without realising it. On the plus side I have been referred for an appointment with a consultant. It will be a 90 minute appointment, far more in depth, and so hopefully will be able to give a firm diagnosis. The nurse is thinking Cyclothymia, which she termed as “baby bipolar”, but said a meeting with the consultant will give a better understanding of my mood cycling, how high I get and how low I get. Also going more in depth into childhood experiences and so on. So we’re on track. Making progress, and there is a bit of relief that I am being taken seriously.
So now I need to keep track of a mood diary, and await that next appointment. At least feel like wheels are in motion.