Can’t even get a Dr Appointment right #mentalhealth #blackdog #sertraline

Published February 10, 2015 by Crystal

I even had the date on the calendar.  I wrote it there weeks ago.  And then every time I looked I saw it as a Tuesday and not a Monday.  So I turned up and my doctor doesn’t even work on Tuesdays.

The day has completely plummeted.  I welled up, and the lovely receptionist took my number for the doctor to give me a call tomorrow.  And any rational person would be very grateful for that after what was my mistake.  But I’m not rational.  I am a mess today.  I was so keen to discuss coming off the sertraline.  And I had only missed a day, so it wasn’t a big thing.  But now I have to tussle with the idea of taking a tablet today, or waiting until tomorrow and speaking to the doctor.  And written down this looks like a pathetically small issue. But I’m into month 3, and the depression has its grip, and I went on to medication to lessen the depression.  All that seems to have happened is I have had a couple of meh days, a few hyper days, and still plenty of depressive days.  I can’t go on like this.  I really can’t.  And it is affecting my family more and more with every passing day.  I don’t know whether or how going cold turkey could actually be any worse than the way things are right now.  And maybe it turns out that citalopram did help more than I acknowledged, because I have never ever been this bad while on a tablet.  Or maybe I have and I blamed it on a host of other things.  Now I look back, I was on pills while suffering pnd and it wasn’t a great time.

I am so angry and agitated and short tempered and fed up with it all.

Today is the sort of day where you don’t even care whether you step in dog shit. You’ll just chuck your shoes out.  It is the sort of day where you are past caring about your red blotchy tear stained face.  And it is the sort of day that I am going to spend in bed. Because socialisation is not possible, and waiting to speak to the doctor feels like an eternity.

God knows how this day will go.


4 comments on “Can’t even get a Dr Appointment right #mentalhealth #blackdog #sertraline

  • I understand how you’re feeling. I ended up coming off sertraline because instead of making it better, after 3/4 months my depression had its claws dug in deep and I rarely get that bad on my own. With sertraline, if you’re on a dosage that’s 50mg or lower you can go cold turkey and just get it out of your system (I’ve got a post about my experience) but any higher and you have to lower your dosage over a period of time.
    You should talk to your Doctor as soon as you can about how you feel, and see if there are any better alternatives that would suit you better.
    Look after yourself, stay strong.

    • Thank you so much! The whole sertraline thing has been a mess as 50 was too low, but 100 for more than a day was too much and i went manic, so I’ve been alternating, which I don’t think helps in the slightest, but on the plus side, it means that I can probably get away with having a couple more and leaving it at that. Doctor rang me, and I forgot to mention the possibility of cyclothymia and she suggested amitriptyline. I read up and went into a panic about that, so now I am waiting for her to ring back again. I am guessing the absolute best thing to do will be to wait for my psych appointment in April. Sure can’t be any worse than the last two months.

      • I think with medication and other treatments for mental health, it takes forever to find something that works, and you have to go through a lot of stress to do so. If your Doctor is prescribing you other medication, she’s probably trying to do her best to help you, and reading about even the most normal drugs can cause a panic. Everyone reacts differently so keep an open mind and think it over.
        If you don’t feel comfortable with it, or aren’t sure, discuss it with your Doctor, its your choice what to do at the end of the day. 🙂
        You can wait until your Psych appointment and discuss what treatment would be beat then, just make sure to check in with your Doctor regularly over that time. Its good that you’ve realised what doesn’t work for you, keep going. Stay strong.

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