Am taking a breather from food this week. From thinking too much about what will or won’t benefit me. From the sites that ask my to input my weight and measurements, and ask me to stick to a number of points/syns/bites.
Because this week I cannot do it all. As I said earlier, I am spent. For this week, I feel the best thing I can do is focus on moving and listening to kind voices. So I’m sticking with my slimpod, because it’s calming and soothing and encouraging, and to me, non judgemental. But everything else needs to take a back seat. If I’m honest I feel let down by both the dieting and anti dieting groups, not because I expected either to fix me, but because a little support during what has been a crappy week, a voice saying (or typing), no matter what you’re doing, you’re doing your best, and we’re here with you, would have been encouraging.
But they let me down. The dieting group want success and instant visible praise, and the anti diet group want to prove that dieting is wrong, and criticise every product, forgetting the people. At least, that’s the way it feels.
And I’m not out to prove anything to anyone other than myself.
So yes, I think I made a mistake signing up for three months of the plan. I wish I’d just done a month, because yet again I have crashed, and I feel isolated and alone with my body issues and anxieties, except for family and a couple of good friends. But more so I wish that mental health was something that everyone addressed and took more seriously, bearing in mind that their words can cut deep, and their action or inaction can say a thousand things.
I feel stuck in a whirlpool at the moment, because every time I try to eat well and mindfully, and make really beneficial food choices, the negativity strikes and the depressive voices tell me what a failure I am and I’ll never achieve.
Definitely a rock and a hard place situation at the moment, so I am going to remove myself for a while, and hope the negative voices disappear as the positive messages get louder.
This is one point I would like to make though, to the idiot “expert” who is constantly going on about fat shaming. If you genuinely mean that you are bullying the fat and not bullying the person, then you need to look at your language. You’re a hypnotherapist, you’re not so stupid that you don’t know language makes all the difference. Also, saying you’re not bullying people and putting a photo up of a large woman enjoying the beach is body shaming and person shaming. To that stranger, it is bullying. She is a woman, somewhere, and you are placing judgement on her by using her in your photos. So make up your mind. Either you’re addressing the fat (which is a substance, like hair, or nails), or you are addressing the person. You cannot have it both ways.