On Friday, I finally grasped mindfulness. It’s taken some time. This week has passed from positive to positive. And I am embracing it. My doctor told me on Wednesday how my whole posture was different, how bright I looked, how my demeanour was so uplifted. The Duloxetine is working and the depression is in the past. I am not naive, I have been here before, and I know depression has returned, but I feel good. For a moment I worried I feel too good. It’s been so long since I have felt joy and happiness and contentment that for a moment I worried I was going into a hyper state, but then the joy, and the peace, and the contentment continued without increasing, and without my feeling the need to go out and be exciting and imaginative, and I realised how simple it was to still my mind, and to be in the moment, and finally, I can understand the power of mindfulness.
Friday saw husband and I taking a trip to Clifton Suspension Bridge. While he wandered and took pictures I stood on the bridge and watched sunlight dance on the Avon, listened to the traffic of the city below, and watched cars cross bridges below, and travel back and forth alongside the river.
Peace is something that has been elusive of late. But at this moment peace is in my grasp. Being in the moment, not worrying about what has passed, or what might be to come. Not concerning myself with what I need to become, or what I feel I should be, say, or do. Just being.
I am also feeling the power of the Sheros Journey with Rebecca Kane at the moment. The Energy Clearing Exercises have brought up thoughts and feelings that were buried, and I am allowing myself to watch and let pass visions and memories without judgement.
It really feels like there is nothing to worry about at the moment. What is, is, and what will be will be.
Depression doesn’t have to be the end.