So y’all probably thinking, every time you come to this blog, What the hell is she thinking today? Is she for dieting? Against it?
Well today, I have decided, I need a break. Maybe a day. Maybe a couple. Maybe I just need to step the hell away from the scales and weight loss talk, and all that jazz.
I got a new dress on Thursday. It is beautiful. But it is too small. It wasn’t intentional, I didn’t think about all the measurements when I ordered it, but I am pretty sure this was the trigger into my weekend of despair and stress and anxiety.
I have maintained my current size for over a year now. I suppose the upside is that I no longer fall into binges so monumental that I gain and gain, but it doesn’t stop me wishing for the next size down. It’s a cosmetic issue. It’s not really to do with health, no matter what folk like Steve Miller will tell you. I probably move more than a great deal of folk in my situation, and I feel it when I don’t. But I do wish for a smaller size.
Something however, is still limiting my beliefs, and leaving me feeling incapable, and so, for a couple of days, I need a break from the monotony of failure at a food plan. Originally I had decided I want a stone off before school kicks back in in September, but now I am thinking, if I surf in my current size, will the world really end?
I’m not giving up on myself, I’m just giving myself a break from feelings of failure and disappointment, and a chance to breathe