Several weeks ago I wrote this blog entry Beauty and Jealousy about comments made about me by someone who claimed to be a friend. Since that entry, that person has cleared me from their life.
I’m ok with that. At first I was hurt, because what had I actually done to merit their behaviour? But a week on I am ok. People come and go. Some are keepers, some aren’t. Some bring the best out in you, others get every hair bristling with their words and activities.
Truth is I often felt put down, often felt criticised, regularly felt they rewrote history to make them look good while everyone around them looked less than. And it begs the question why we sometimes keep up with these friendships when we feel exhausted and ridiculed and criticised. And I don’t really know the answer. I’m not the first, I won’t be the last. Some people have a magnetic personality, which, when you get closer you realise isn’t so magnetic. And I’m not perfect. I can be proud and opinionated, and I won’t always stand down in a discussion. And I make my own mind up as to who my friends will be, which in this instance was the proverbial nail in my coffin. I had started to socialise with someone this friend had hated, someone she had dropped in a rather similar way to the way in which I was dropped. Rather than hide my socialising I shared photos on the evil of Facebook. Within 3 days I was blocked.
It’s been a slow demise, and it is something that maybe we should both be grateful for. I did start seeing less often than we have in the past . I don’t want to be judgemental of friend’s life choices. I don’t want to feel I have to bite my tongue for fear of my opinion angering them. I don’t want to be an competition for who has the most successful life. And I had started to feel our meetings ended up being more these things than just relaxing and being in good company.
One thing though, that angered me, is the statement that a friendship with me (which was not worth the effort) had caused them to neglect other friendships. It might be funny if we lived in each other’s pockets, but we did not. And we had not seen each other in many, many weeks. Yet the friendship with me had strained their time so much that they had not invested in other people, people who were better friends. I am sorry, but on this I call ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT. There are some friends I rarely see, but when we meet, the lapse of time is of no consequence, and we pick up where we left off. There are other friends who I see more often, because they are more local, or have more time, and we can catch up over half an hour. Not one of my friendships cause me to neglect another (more important) friendship. We choose who and what are our priorities. WE CHOOSE. She CHOSE to neglect other friendships, friendships that she has now decided are more valuable to her.
But the situation did send me into a place of insecurity. Maybe everyone thinks so little of me? Maybe my depression has warped me so much I am forever broken? Thankfully, the friends who stick with have said otherwise, and one friend down, is not the end of the world. Facebook can be a wonderful place. It can bring about a huge slap in the face, but it also gives up the opportunity to catch up with old friends, and touch base with them sometimes. I’m not going to make empty promises about making more of an effort with friends I haven’t seen in ages. I know I don’t need to. Time is precious, yes, but time and distance don’t alter a friendship based on a solid foundation 🙂