health

All posts in the health category

No #vlm2016. But a bit of @combinedfitness and who knows! #bambicurse

Published October 3, 2015 by Crystal

I have made a promise to my husband.  The next 6 months will not consist of training walks or runs towards a Difference of 26.2 miles.  Last year was the London Marathon. (An event I celebrated with my beautiful bambi, who represents my constant ankle issues)

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And for two years before that it was the London Moonwalk

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To not have a plan ahead is a little daunting.  To not be pushing myself in some way for a big event is actually quite scary.

But then my week started like this

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Which quickly became this

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And today, after a week non weight bearing, and then a seven hour shift it is like this

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So maybe it really is time to give my bambi ankles a rest!

It is not the end of the world.  I have been wanting to surf for years.  Not training at weekends means maybe the odd trip to Bude is possible.
And on Monday I start a 60 day course with Kerry Eddie. A mind and body programme to turn around the negative thinking and make good changes.  Maybe I don’t actually need big goals to work towards.  Maybe I can scale things down, and still find satisfaction. 

This week has been tough.  It has felt like a week of failure and I have felt very emotional.  But then looking back I can accept I have achieved much.  And that will keep me going.  For a while at least.  I am now off the duloxetine.  And this week is a year anniversary of the start of recognition of a horrid depressive episode that was sucking me under, and however crap this week has been, it has not been quite that bad. Yes I have cried.  Yes I have felt a failure.  But I haven’t stayed with those feelings.   And that in itself is something to celebrate.
So 2016. What is ahead.  It is a little bit exciting because for once I really have no idea!  

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#duloxetinewithdrawal Day 6, think I got away lightly! And #Fitcamp with @combinedfitness

Published September 24, 2015 by Crystal

Pretty sure the omega 3 is a little bit magic, or I was never going to suffer that badly!

Problem is it’s been time of the month, or was it an advantage in that I was going to feel pretty crap anyway? But the dizziness has pretty much gone, brain zaps were few and far between the last couple of days, and the tiredness could be down to mother nature.

Today I have a crappy cold, though.  So I’m somewhat miserable.  But fortunately it is my day off and I have nothing to do except laundry and dishes and all that mundane crap.

I also have my lovely floppy soup  to enjoy.

I have to decide whether to give fitcamp a go, or take it easy until the evil mud run on Sunday, or do one last fitcamp.  The other problem (gawd I sound like a moaner today, because, basically, I am) is that I have a small lump on my achilles tendon, and having been here before, I know how bad it could get pretty quickly if I’m not careful.  I’m meant to be training for a half marathon at the end of October too.  I think I am an example today of how not to do anything!

On the Fitcamp subject, if you live in the Cheltenham area, I would highly recommend Kelly Eddie as a trainer, motivator, encourager, and generally lovely person.  I love Fitcamp classes.  I may not love them at the beginning, but by the end I am so happy I have completed, which is why I am in a quandary as to whether to go tonight!  And now I have a new job, I am wondering how I am going to be able to keep going in some way.  I may have to move across to her video classes, which won’t be so easy as being in a group, but then I know the support is there.

Anyhoo.  I’m off to pay attention to Eddie Izzard, and drink lots of hot drinks, and lament the passing of summer, under a blanket.

Floppy soup! #slimpodLemon

Published September 22, 2015 by Crystal

A determination has arisen.  Hopping on the scales didn’t or did help.  5lbs gained in a week.  Yes it will be fluid to a large degree, but whatever it is needs to shift.  Vintage clothes aren’t known for their stretchy properties, and sweats and t shirts aren’t my long term style!

So Operation Slimpod 6 Week Challenge steps up a gear.

I started my day with eggs on toast, plenty of fluids, and a feeling of bleurghness.  I am very bloated.  I am very uncomfortable.  A friend and I were briefly chatting about our bodies falling about, and how I am aware all too well of how much better I felt when I was walking or running most days.  That in itself has to happen again with a half marathon coming up, never mind the Mud Run this coming Sunday.  But it also seems my body is crying out for some good food.

With the new determination, and a new delivery from Abel and Cole, I decided to make myself a big stash of Floppy Soup.  You know the sort.  All that veg in the fridge that is limp and tired.  Purple carrots looked sad, the cabbage was crying out to be embraced, and the runner beans desperately wanted to run out of the fridge.  A bit of tamarind paste as stock base, some basil and oregano thrown in, a couple of acorn squashes roasted and added last, and the result is a rather tasty purple soup!

Couldn’t happen on a better day, either, with miserable clouds, cold rain, and a desire to hibernate, soup is the perfect option.

Duloxetine withdrawal won’t have the better of me.  And nor will the sweatpants!

 

Oh, and more inspiration and motivation?  How about the desire to look like Maria Von Trapp on Christmas Day with this beauty?

Anti depressants and Weight Gain

Published September 21, 2015 by Crystal

I’m taking myself off the Duloxetine.  Weaning off it is apparently a nightmare.  Capsule sizes don’t match the need.  Some people seem to count beads and buy in empty capsules, and spread them out, and so on and so forth.

I have been on 30mg, which I now think is a blessing, but in the last few months my weight has ballooned, and I feel out of control.  So I have decided enough is enough.  Part of my depressive issues are heavily linked with self esteem and body issues, so when the tablet one is on is having a detrimental effect on weight, it can become a negative spiral.

I made a mistake today though, and posted in a group that I was going cold turkey.  My bad.  Everyone is an expert.  A concerned expert, but an expert nonetheless.  So I ended up deleting the post and berating myself for an idiotic move.  “Have you tried other anti depressants?” “Cold turkey is dangerous” “You must talk to your doctor”.  All valid statements.  Don’t get me wrong.  I guess part of the problem with this current medication is that I have very little emotional connection.  I just don’t care.  So instead I get irritated.  Does that make sense?  I know it doesn’t.

Anyway, then comes the wowser statement that pisses me off, especially when the person talking has little to no experience of anti depressants “Medication doesn’t tend to cause weight gain.  Eating more causes weight gain.”

Oh Gods.  Please.  No.  Google any number of anti depressants and you will find stories of weight gain, and depression as a result of that weight gain, and so on.  It may be that people feel happier and eat more.  But judging by the huge number of stories I have read, I am pretty sure it is just not that simple.  I have gained a stone in about 4 months.  It’s not good.  And I am not happy.  I preferred maintaining to this.  And the anti depressants have played a part.  Somehow.

I have no answers.  I just wanted to post and get other people’s experiences, really?

Withdrawal symptoms currently are those brain zaps, and dizziness.  I didn’t initially realise the dizziness was a withdrawal symptom when I had it the other week.  I’d just forgotten to take a tablet, and it turns out the half life of duloxetine is very short.  But then hopefully that means these crummy side effects will be over soon enough.  Back to running, and being more mindful around food and drinking loads and loads of water.  And listening to the Slimpod.

Weight Loss Holiday!

Published July 12, 2015 by Crystal

So y’all probably thinking, every time you come to this blog, What the hell is she thinking today?  Is she for dieting?  Against it?

Well today, I have decided, I need a break.  Maybe a day.  Maybe a couple.  Maybe I just need to step the hell away from the scales and weight loss talk, and all that jazz.

I got a new dress on Thursday.  It is beautiful.  But it is too small.  It wasn’t intentional, I didn’t think about all the measurements when I ordered it, but I am pretty sure this was the trigger into my weekend of despair and stress and anxiety.

I have maintained my current size for over a year now.  I suppose the upside is that I no longer fall into binges so monumental that I gain and gain, but it doesn’t stop me wishing for the next size down.  It’s a cosmetic issue.  It’s not really to do with health, no matter what folk like Steve Miller will tell you.  I probably move more than a great deal of folk in my situation, and I feel it when I don’t.  But I do wish for a smaller size.

Something however, is still limiting my beliefs, and leaving me feeling incapable, and so, for a couple of days, I need a break from the monotony of failure at a food plan.  Originally I had decided I want a stone off before school kicks back in in September, but now I am thinking, if I surf in my current size, will the world really end?

I’m not giving up on myself, I’m just giving myself a break from feelings of failure and disappointment, and a chance to breathe

“#fatacceptance is ruining the world!” bla bla bla. But what about life before it?

Published June 15, 2015 by Crystal

It dawned on me earlier, as I munched on my luscious salad, and perused twitter to see what bile Mr Miller was spewing today.  It dawned on me how fat acceptance is seen as this big evil, and how “normalising obesity is crippling our NHS” is the biggest pile of poop, because it has only just got legs in the last decade, and this country has been getting bigger for a lot longer than that!

I have been on a diet of some sort for a substantial amount of time each year for about 30 years.  And I am in my mid 30’s.  In primary school I was teased and bullied for my size, in PE lessons aged 6 I specifically remember how different I was to other kids because I couldn’t feel my ribs.  In secondary school I was also teased and bullied for my size, and then as a youth worker I had snide comments from shitty little brats who found it hilarious to comment.  The 80s and 90s were not kind to girls of a larger stature. At Secondary School our Home Economics lady was big.  And the boys in the class felt no shame in loudly mocking and ridiculing, and making her aware of how they felt about her appearance.  Fat acceptance was not a thing.  Thin was acceptable.  Fat was not.   It’s safe to say I grew up with enough self loathing to see me through the rest of my days.  And as a result of believing that thin was good and fat was very, very, very bad, I spent many days, months, years, on ryvitas and cottage cheese, or slimma soups, or dust.  I followed Rosemary Conley’s recipes to the letter, I exercised each evening to Cher.  I tried my damnedest to fit in to the acceptable norm, knowing that big was not acceptable.

And I doubt I’m alone.   In fact I would go so far as to wager that many of the fat acceptance campaigners will have grown up with similar experiences of torment and ridicule, and will have seen others dealing with the same.  I would wager that fat acceptance has come about as a reaction to years and years of fat shaming.  So to be blaming the “obesity crisis/epidemic” (really, that deserves a whole other blog post of its own) on a movement that has really only gained ground in the last few years seems somewhat ridiculous, no?

Think about that for a moment.  These people who are fighting for acceptance have endured years and years of ridicule, and have remained fat.  Often in spite of diet after diet.  So while Mr Miller sits there on his throne of judgement, he is merely continuing a behaviour which is what many of us endured in childhood and teendom.  And fat acceptance CANNOT be blamed for a situation that was taking place for decades before it even existed.

So what is the answer?  Well, for me, it is about kindness and care.  I want to look after my body.  I want to feel healthy.  I want to protect myself from disease if I can, and be around for my kids.  Sometimes I fall back into old coping mechanisms.  Sometimes eating gives me a way of not dealing with feelings I don’t want to face.  But day by day the self acceptance and self care gets easier, and the critical voices of old get quieter and quieter.  It may not be the whoopy doop super fast weight loss that Miller demands of fatties everywhere, but it is maintainable and life changing.

My salad, by the way, was yummy!

My salad, by the way, was yummy!

#juneathon is not going terribly terribly well

Published June 8, 2015 by Crystal

It’s the dreaded curse time, and while I don’t feel as rough as normal (yay vegan goodness) I do feel tired and a little out of sorts.  So it’s a chillax kind of night, after a fairly active day, even though there was no specific exercise, does two hours of rigorous cleaning count?

Today I did try tempeh.  It was interesting.  Not sure I would rush to get it again, I much prefer taifun smoked tofu.  But it’s good to try these things.  I do know I absolutely love shitake mushrooms though, and they are worth the extra pennies.

Anyway, nothing exciting to write.  A 5:20am start has fuddled my brain!  I am just trying to keep the blog going daily at least.